Zombified

I used to be called a zombie,

A result of my dead swagger,

But now I’ve truly turned one,

It all comes crashing to me,

When I read facebook status-es,

That speak of loss and loneliness,

When my friends speak of love,

Their commitments and failures,

When I  hear about horror movies,

How they scream and see ghosts,

I have killed these emotions,

A cold-blooded murderer,

Now I walk the land zombified,

Devoid of sadness,

Deprived of love,

Departed from fear,

Am I too scared to face fear,

A cowardice that walls fear out,

Do I not love in fear of losing,

Do i fear desertion so much,

So much, that I killed love,

I’ve distilled the feelings,

Feeling that make us human,

Feelings that’ve kept you human,

The distilled remains are scarce,

So scarce that I feel happy,

Happy that I can feel sadness,

Not knowing how long this would last,

How long happiness would keep me company,

I ponder hard facts while looking beyond yonder.

Finally it seems only fear has distilled over,

The steam boiling distillation process,

Has left a fog of fear hanging,

That has an eerie glow, an ancient aroma,

That keeps my mind under lock,

The lock of purity that keeps me in,

In this room called sanity,

When this lock breaks,

The treated walls that holds me in,

The liquid me that has lost solid form,

After unspoken distillation and treatment,

Would break out, spill and spread,

At a tremendous pace beneath the fog,

That floats gaseous, free, red and scary,

I’ll be soaked by the stale ground,

Within seconds wiped off the face of Earth,

Without a trace of dirt.

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Voided Now

Almost everyday I catch myself thinking,

About the future, planning my play,

Making major decisions,

That spur major impacts,

People live in the past,

That I’ve heard of;

But I’ve gotten rid of the past,

So have I of the present,

It seems I’m preparing for the future,

Which is uncertain as a weather forecast,

I try to refrain from this,

But I have nothing here; a void present,

The darkness of this hollowed now,

That forces me to go beyond,

and try to see the light,

But I’m afraid a barren land awaits me,

The future I foresee is such,

Stark, scorched, reeling from darkness,

Empty as how now is.

 

I’m now trapped in this delusion,

A void present,

a dark vacuum of a future,

I want to exit and restart,

Load a saved game and retry,

But life doesn’t work that way,

I have to wait until I regain health,

No money to buy health potions,

No valuable equipment to sell,

Buried in early life beliefs,

Lost in narrow pathways,

Built by narrow-minded rules,

I try to peek over the walls,

My feet slip, sharp stone cut my lip,

Rendering me unable to speak,

Busted vocal chords and knees,

No one to lend me a hand, the sun shines,

Dark and dull sucking light away,

Instead of pouring it my way,

Moon light- cold; burns my skin and soul,

I rage lone in this void – which happens to be my hopeless zone.

Silence Reigns

A black cloud heads me,

Not like stalkers who tail,

Blocking out the sunlight,

The glorious rays I deserve,

Fades my vision hazy,

When picked among plenty,

To recite guru’s teachings,

I drop not to a stupor,

That would be better,

The clouds rain and thunder,

Making my brain numb,

I – fickle turn dumb,

The clouds they rain,

All around me but not on,

Center sanctum – unable to exit,

Bars around me – no, walls,

Darkness surrounds, bars are better,

Light and dust filter through,

Better to stutter letters,

Better than to stand stupified,

Silent spectator turns performer,

All eyes on me now,

Rain pours through,

Fills hollow head with liquid,

Translucent, odourless, shapeless,

Dilutes, washes off completely,

Bleached, eroded, stranded,

Assilant fails pillage,

Leaves empty handed,

But leaves me drenched,

I sit down mouth shut tight,

Immediately clouds clear,

Sun beams powerfully,

I dry instantly,

Hollows dessicated,

Water empties,

Jaws fall loose,

I can talk, I can smile,

Cloud still tails,

But paled now,

Still floats puffed,

Waiting for another assault on me,

To fortify me for the next siege.

Parched Relationships

A time – perhaps only a few days ago, so close, so intertwined, so inseparable,

Like flame and oxygen,

The existence of one is jeopardized when the other’s ceases,

A period – when the other’s thoughts we could tell,

Like communication through telepathy just happened,

Thoughts travel through non-existent medium,

A term – when feelings traverse through,

Like aroma from freshly bloomed flowers,

Populating the room invisibly, quickly,

An era – ages past, it seems, time flows turbulent,

Like a fighter jet, creating a supersonic boom while rippling through the clouds,

The clouds flow slowly, but the jet so fast, The time so fast, but the sense of it so slow,

An epoch – when nights stretch forever becoming mornings,

Like the starry skies, a dark spill across a huge canvas, perfectly colored but for the specks,

Conversing with no end in sight, no thought in mind, everything trivial and daft.

Where did all these go,

The flames die,

The thoughts disperse,

The aroma wanes,

The clouds drift by,

The canvas fades out.

Now – it seems the ability to speak is lost,

Back to when we were infants,

When life was easy without speech,

Today – we sit close by yet find it unnecessary almost to speak,

Unlike the infant who has other means,

Plain conspicuous un-necessity is all that is here,

Presently – thinking back, we find ourselves, the laughing selves,

Like the rising sun that has to set, but its light captured by the stars and the moon,

The thoughts reverberate through, echoing around, until finally a distant chord is struck,

The melody rises and hits the highest pitch, resonant melancholy evanesces,

Left with bleeding fingers, broken strings,

Unable to play anymore,

Unable to be played anymore,

As the light dissipates dims disappears.

Discontented

The primitive beginnings, from single-cell swimmers,

Escaping oxidization, death from the devil’s breath,

Journey’d across tunnels; crimson, place first – loneliness begins,

Destruct wall, burrowing through, to loneliness inside,

There our fate’s sealed, cursed to separation for eternity,

Always alone, participating in the mass-delusional drama of oneness,

Oneness again spells loneliness, escape’s impossible,

One can never mean two as oneness can never be true.

Caught in the exodus, togetherness we crave,

Crowds – characteristic of crowning moments of mankind,

Loneliness is abnormal, many believe,

Looking with loathing, stating he’s a freak,

Because that’s how it’s meant to be.

Inhabiting the excited state, yearning to return,

The natural state revibrates distant echoes calling back,

To loneliness where souls belong,

For which they thirst and long.

When faced, glinting-eyes, smirking face — I like to be alone,

Scared to answer the beckoning, they declare — This guy’s aloof,

People cradled in chaotic screams,

While I favor and savor silent realms,

The breath of devil howling in my ear-canals,

Eternity I see, ahead of me,

All is distant, a fading shimmer,

Getting dimmer and dimmer, preparing for my last serve of loneliness,

The last shiver, that is to last forever… ever and ever…

Turbulent Time

Sense of time:

Minutes, seconds, hours – constraint collars,

Running time: shuffling feet,

Inventing fantasies: time machines,

Patience penitentiary: locked out,

Boredom, Laziness: freedom, cell time,

Sentence served: wilderness again,

changed environment, adventure, packed schedule:

hours seem days,

days seem weeks,

yesterday seems lost,

not twentyfour hours past,

but ages, eons’ passed,

a new place, a change of environment,

when scurrying feet exists here,

time elongates, stretches gum-like,

bubble suddenly ‘pop!’s, gum-made-like,

taste’s bland, spat out, from pavement to sole,

of a shoe, souls unrest – trite again,

home reached: time warps,

shortens; winter days,

inflexible, cold: forget fun,

back to game: work dork,

eight to five: for food on fork,

photos, videos: tale-spinners,

move-on, live: forget freak-time alignments,

wailing banshee, wraith: zombie time,

time alarms: bed in and bed out,

remainders, calenders: appointments and deadlines,

watches, timers: conversation-starters, villainous countdowns,

quartz vibrations: bound, round, merry-go-round,

time and time again: merry perished, pressure persisted,

clocks block joy entrance;

glock to head: curse-free freedom,

Fire! Time again for vacation,

Unknown place, walk: rigid, busy,

Mysterious time warps yet again,

mind says a month,

time-keeper four days;

rest without pest, EMP bomb,

fry time dry everywhere,

electronic circuits berserk and die,

release minds: brain unbound,

un-latched from pointing hands, tick-tocks.

Post-Fall

And then I text a lass that I’m ‘bored’,

She’s bored too, for she sends me lore,

That knocks on my philosophical door,

The hinges tatter ever-so-lightly letting out a bit of the gore,

Never to be seen, ‘Entry-Restricted’, to soar,

The texts make our devices for a while roar,

Until finally we dock in paradox, back to lives we never adore.